I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
