he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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