My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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