I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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