So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
