she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize