just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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