we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
