make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
