He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
