Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
