i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
