My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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