I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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