Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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