If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
