...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
