Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
