Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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