Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
