my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
