i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
