we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
