This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
