One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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