i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
