You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
