Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
