just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
