He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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