Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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