4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
