Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
