Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
