Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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