he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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