WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
