hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
