just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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