good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
