cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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