Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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