why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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