I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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