Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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