i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize