I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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