He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
