If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
