Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
