pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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