He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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