some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
