I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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