omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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