its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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