She said her name was "party"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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