WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
