Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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