o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
