Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
