ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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