So gin and wine won't be happening again
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
