Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
