my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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