also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
