my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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