So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize