I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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