I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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