he thought i was a dude.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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