I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
