I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
