all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
